Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize