My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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