the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
