So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
