he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
