I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
