meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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