I think im going to throw up on grandma
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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