hotel room ftw
I bet he comes in French.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
