I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
