hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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