By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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