you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
