You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize