there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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