she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
