i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
