This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
