After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
