Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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