No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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