Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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