May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
