Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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