I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
