Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
