I just made out with a guy for $7.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
