I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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