Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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