i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
