Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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