just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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