Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
