I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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