I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He did a backflip because drugs
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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