bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This is my gift to your gina
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize