My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
