Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
