some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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