I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
