he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
