the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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