ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i've created a new STD.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
