oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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