stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
