why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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