Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Drake has all the answers
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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