Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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