Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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