Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
