After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I would fuck him just for his dog
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
