Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I said "one day" and that day is not today
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
