Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
