Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
