you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
