You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
