we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
