He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
