Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
