We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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