Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize