You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
