he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
