Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Randomize
