I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
