I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I need to wash the frat house off of me
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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