I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
