If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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