my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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