Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
