Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(716): View more from New York

I can text with my tongue

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?

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(708): View more from Illinois

I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.

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(619): View more from California

he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up

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(740): View more from Ohio

I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?

(214): View more from Texas

Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."

(303): View more from Colorado

I'm very scared to turn around.

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(810): View more from Michigan

Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.

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