you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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