No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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