i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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