please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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