omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
