we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
