mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Even my vagina gasped.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
