Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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