just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
