i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
