Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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