I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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