i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Send help, water and tortillas.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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