I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Someone shattered a urinal.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
