The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
