This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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