She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
