battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
