what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize