If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
