You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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