She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
