you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
