strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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