She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
