Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
