Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he thought i was a dude.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
