hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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