We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize