i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
