he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
